Be strong..

Posted the song below as it represents exactly wat i'm going thru now...
it painz me deep inside.
it tires the hell out of me.

y shud i try so hard to
be in a position where i know
i'll never be happy
it'll only make me
feel inferior
all the time

ppl said, u juz have to be urself
yes i wanted to
i told myself
that u're who u are
u're not someone else
u dun need to
the mask shud be thrown away
reveal who u are exactly

but y do i push myself
to a limit in this society
causing all the misery in me

i know the feeling of being overshadowed
i suffered from it
i wanted for ppl to notice me
for who i am
and not someone
ppl wanted me to be
yet i still hold the mask
walking around and fooling myself

am i happy with it??

shudn't everyone b given a chance
to prove who they reli are
instead of only noticing
the greater ppl around them
and sideline the rest
itz unfair
life's unfair
i've never been
more disappointed with life
life's so fcuking unfair


mom, u're such a darling. ur wordz have been comforting ones. i appreciate it.

i promise u, i'll stay strong.

REFLECTION

Christina Aguilera

Look at me

You may think you see

Who I really am

But you’ll never know me

Every day, is as if I play apart

Now I see

If I wear a mask

I can fool the world

But I can not fool

My heart

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

I am now

In a world where I have to

Hide my heart

And what I believe in

But somehow

I will show the world

What’s inside my heart

And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

Why is my reflection

Someone I don’t know?

Must I pretend that i’m

Someone else for all time?

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

There’s a heart that must

Be free to fly

That burns with a need

To know the reason why

Why must we all conceal

What we think

How we feel

Must there be a secret me

I’m forced to hide?

I won’t pretend that i’m

Someone else

For all time

When will my reflections show

Who I am inside?

When will my reflections show

Who I am inside?

WOKE UP FROM NIGHTMARE, FINALLY!

eurgh wifi's so lagging recently, so this post is kinda ystdy's newz XD

finally i've found the 'lost me' back. so happy with my lifestyle these few dayz. back to myself again is smth i've been seeking for previously. lolxxxx~

and then, heard a newz from my coursemate and it makes me feel even better whakaka. aint no telling but juz have to wish myself: suyuen, jia you! XD

anywayz, juz came back from helping out the ppum's kempen derma darah and also MPA1's meeting (lol the best AGM ever i think, if u knw wat i mean kekeke *sneaky*)

was great having ppl all around me again, smth that i enjoyed now and alwayz. unlike the times when i was still having those nightmares and decided to 'bury' myself, unseen and unheard. my gawdd...... i cant believe how stupid i was then. but yeah, good thg i'm back to being me again haha omedetou!!! XD


anatomy test tis coming friday *shivers*

11.50pm: msn-ing with pikachu and senior CT. and juz only arrived, sam. XD

so i guess thatz all. wanna chat with them now nitezzzz bloggie.....

DO BETTER FOR THE 2ND TIME!!

anatomy resultz out yesterday.. well, it was ok i think but i wasn't that satisfied. a bit frustrated act coz i expected higher, and considering that many scored so high, i was feeling quite inferior. worked so hard for it but it din turn up as wat i've expected haiz... anyway... i wont be giving up that soon..

next FRIDAY: 2nd anatomy test. Jia you!!!!

been feeling more relaxed with who i am recently. learning to cope with my messy troublesome lifestyle that i had for the past few weeks, and happier now.. sometimes i still find myself wearing a mask and impersonating, like an actor. but it tires me alot. working hard to put a stop to those stupidity....

stephanie sun's 'wo de ai' on my media player now.... nice feeling


roomies not in room.. only me by myself. love it.

and is CC activities reli that important?? i mean, they keep pushing us to join this trip and go that activity. swtttt......... not being anti-social but i reli have no interest in those stuff and it irritates me whenever they do those pushing behaviours. drop it k....

and 1 more thg is, i actually got biro logistik and kemudahan for pharmacy's community service. omfg...... 3rd 1!!!! i was in the same bureau for coll's kempen derma darah and MPA 1 ady. shit..... dunno whether to say itz a good or bad luck. i mean, it wasnt even my top 3 choice. wanted smth more interesting but din get it. looking at the brighter side, at least i'll gain experience in erm.. setting up booths and exhibitions and helping ppl to carry stuff???? i dunno......


argh!!!! y is this happening to me.... TuT

i guess i'll juz accept it and give my full commitment ler.....

there they go again... anthr yamcha session. and i'm not going.. izit bcoz of exam stress or wat???? haih... watz becoming with my social life....? ==""""

SO TIRED.....

itz 1.15am when i blogged this. listening to koda kumi's 'ai no uta'. been staying up tis late to finish the hubungan etnik project (it wouldn't have taken this long if i kept the internet and msn off XD) anyway, finally i've done it! hopefully everything will be acceptable to the lecturer.if not i'll reli cry my eyes out for one whole nite of complete waste of time.

feeling so exhausted..... din slept well last nite... was accompanied by disturbing images saw in one of my emailz ( dun feel like mentioning it. itz playing in my head rite now. been haunting me since ystdy yikiessss T__T) and also restless mind. and when i woke up at 6am, i realised the earphones were still plucked in my ears, yui's 'tomorrow's way' played in my phone.. gawd... meanz i slept the whole nite while 'listening' to music....which contributed to me falling asleep a few times in class today damn it.. ever since orientation over, this was the 1st time i felt sleepy again. so frustrated with myself (for looking at the mail) and the sender (for sending me such f*cking emailz).

omg... feel like throwing up now.... i hate that mail....... *screamz*


oh gosh..... stop thinking bout it plz.... class tmr starting at 9am thank god.... guess i better go brush my teeth and zzz now.... if only i can get some peaceful mind.....

going home tmr.....


ok, bed is waiting for me. nitezz... i mean morningzz......



and....



i reli hope to be juz myself......

NO TEST RECENTLY.... BUT CANT RELAX MUCH EITHER!!

blogged this while in group discussion, trying to finish that hubungan etnik project. seriously, i wouldnt give a damn to this thing if itz not included into our grades lol.. hate all these time-wasting subjectz.. watz the point on telling ppl who're adultz to eratkan perpaduan antara kaum??? i mean, we've been hearing that since primary school dayz and the info sorta like immune in us ady, it doesnt give us any effect whatsoever. haiz.... suan liao....

anyway, today was juz another plain day.. looking forward to go home this week ( basically i do everyday haha) coz i wanna watch 'money not enough 2'!!!! yeah yeah yeah!!

ahhh... the feeling of finishing a test = finalz over lol.... been onlining and relaxing since yesterday... juz dun have the mood to study ler.... but this shud not be happening!!!!! i muz keep fighting!!! finalz muz gambatte!!!!!

juz let me relax till i'm satisfied 1st lar..... kakakakaka


talking crap again.... lolxxx... nothing much to say.. drizzling here... later got meeting for kempen derma darah aikxxx........


ciaozzzzzz.... zzz............

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN....?

tis might be one of the most emotional posts in this blog.. feeling so down now. the tears juz wouldnt come down, leaving me to feel even worse. is that y ppl said once u're feeling too miserable, u couldnt afford to cry at all? perhaps itz true....

sitting comfortably at my room, blogging tis (finally i found the connection)

have u ever been feeling so close to someone

to have wonderful thoughts that u share so many similarities with them

leads to pure admiration, and that u're thankful

u get to know tis person in ur life, and they're there in ur heart?

but...

when they utter wordz that hurt

to the deepest of ur feelingz

it was merely juz their wayz to have fun

but imagine

if u receive it from someone

who u care and admire alot

it brought pain in ur heart

and yet, at the moment

when u felt like

running away and juz wanna cry out

u're forced to remain where u are

putting up a poker face

laughing along with them

and taking it as lightly as others

it tortures u more

de misery u felt

u juz wanna be somewhere, unheard and unseen

to relieve the knot in ur heart

thatz exactly how i felt now..

no one here will und me..

it was den added

when u have someone close to you

and yet somehow they're better than u,

they're liked by others, u're unnoticed beside them

u're shielded

itz not appropriate to compare

u are who u are

love yourself, love being who i am

but sometimes, the dilemma struck u

i wish i'm not alwayz landed in this situation

it pains me

get a grip, and be strong

nothing's more important than

to treasure what u have in life

life is short, there's alwayz wayz

to improve on urself

but staying happy

is what i need in being me

i juz hope

there's enough in me

for u to be proud of me

to ensure that ur decision is right

i shud not take too seriously with wat u have said

i respect u alot

AUDITION FOR VOCALIST????

hoho physio test is coming tis tue, and i'm still onlining here like nobody's business.. juz hope i survived throughout the paper..

anyway, went audition for Festival Seni under acoustic music last week

was at the doorway and the first thing i saw was guitars and unfamiliar faces

ohmygod... shud i quit? i mean i dun even knw wat those strings on guitars mean..

decided to have a look in there

gosh coll's music room was nice. with sound-proff walls and shelfs of music intrumentz, drumz and air-conditioned


ok... tatz good..

so when they asked me wat i would love to auditioned for~

piano? sorry, i stopped tat long time ago so basically my knowledge in it is like.. telur goreng


so i guess i'll go for vocalist audition on 15th sept and perhaps join them in the band..


hung out at the place for almost 2 hrz to watch those guyz playing electric guitars and drumz and making good music outta them.

gosh, it was such great feeling, being so close to these sounds for the 1st time.


it reminded me of NANA the movie and gawd, i want to get into band!!


and if i did, the 1st song i'll sing with them is 'Glamorous Sky'.!

Argh! *squealz and hide under blanket*


XD

ok gtg now... will be back to uni later.... ciaoz...


btw.. my frenster profile got hacked for the 2nd time again.. haizzzzzzzz........................