after a long time and finally blogged, why can't i juz blog smth happy?
it troubles me to think that no matter how hard i tried, it will always seem shitty to others. no matter how much effort i put in, ppl will think i am not good enough. dun get me wrong, i never said that i am great and mighty, but i do have my dignity and it sucks when u know that ur weakness is being judged most of the time instead of ur strength. maybe i am to be blamed. i do not know how to express my thoughts and feelings at some time, i monkey and kid around, is that y ppl are not taking me seriously for who i really am? that ppl can juz hurt me like how they wish to, ignore me when i'm being too quiet, and being nice to me only when i am back to being frenly myself?

tired. sick for all these. i wanted to do my best. i am doing my best. i wanted to please not only myself, but to others. i know there are ppl who put hopes on me. that pressures me but i tell myself that as much as i can afford, i will strive for it. but in de end, wat do i get?

"u are useless". so easy to say.

enough said. reflecting myself is probably wat i need. to prove them wrong. to prove them that i am worth as a human who has values in their lives. u may take it as a joke, u can utter dagger words that u dun mind throwing them at me, but i take it seriously and get myself improved. it is hurting, it is hell miserable, but it's part and parcel of life.