Friends For Laughs Only?..?

Something's bugging me very much when i'm blogging this. and it has been bugging me too since this morning. i remembered once when a junior confessed to me a trouble of hers, she said this: do u have a true fren now in uni? i dont have, u see. when i was in secondary skul, i used to have. we shared almost everything. but now in matric, i realise i have nobody at all. or rather, i cant depend on anyone anymore.

and with that i replied: it's what life is all about.

and now i can truly believe what i said. or shud i not? it seems so harsh that in this place, what friends actually mean is ppl who u juz hang out with, and ppl who laugh with u. but to cry with u? think about it.

u see, i have this group of friends who i'm very close with. well sort of, or juz maybe a bit, i dunno. whatever happened today seem to let me doubt my relationship with them. i dont wanna talk about what led me to doubt them, but i juz wanna confess that, dont ever take me for granted. for one thing, i am NOT a cnn. i dont have an antennae attached to my head, or a satellite that floats around PJ detecting all the information. and i hate to say this, i really really despise ppl who come to me and tell me "i thought u shud know so-and-so" or "i thought miss who-and-who has informed u" or whatever crap that starts with I THOUGHT. look, u guys are my frenz, i'm not gonna be hard on u or hurt u intentionally through this post (if any of u are reading this). i juz want u to realise that in being a human being, it's not juz about u. does it kill u to juz send a msg of what shud be done, or what shud be worn on a photography session, or what shud be brought for next day's lesson? i mean, whether i already knew it or not is another business (or rather a business of mine) but if u think it is right to inform me, i'll be happily and gratefully to thank u! i ain't gonna scold u or tell u off for giving me same info, u see. a human being, esp if u call urself a friend, shud take notice of all these. it's not juz about u, like i said b4. sometimes i wonder y i have to think so much for others when i can simply choose to ignore. no, bcoz i'm not such person. i know, for some reason, that eventhough we might not be that close, we have to help others, tel them whatever they need to know, lend a hand whenever they need it, be proactive eventhough they didn't ask for it. it makes me feel good for not being self-centred and selfish. maybe u guys are not what i described, but u guys really really truly desappoint me today. the reason i am sad is not bcoz i'm having any family troubles or what, it's bcoz of u all. my friends. ppl who i care alot. and they have disappoint me. if this is de first time, i can forgive and forget. but i've met many ppl with the phrase "i thought...." and that's y when it was my friends who do it to me, i crumble. some of u are juz too ignorant for this. and u might think i am such a whiney to get upset over such issue, but i tell u what, this really matters alot to me.

i dont need u guys to feel sympathetic, or giving me a shoulder pat, or promising me empty words. i am a very simple person , with juz simple wish from u. i will continue to care for all of u, continue my way of helping others. i juz wish u guys will not take me for granted. dont ever assume anything in life. not juz for me, but for others. bcoz ur assumptions might lead u to things u wish will never happen. this is juz a small issue, but in the future, u might face something worse than this. for those who're ignorant, u know who u are and i'm not gonna pursue about it. i don't mind u treating me such way, but please for ur sake, learn to be someone who not only think for urself, but the ppl around u. esp those u call as friends. u need them, and they need u.

family, yeah right. sharing. yeah right. for now i cant look into these two terms. i juz hope i can find a way to forgive and forget.


ps: the photography session today, i've missed it. was in the elective class. i dunno whether any of u notice it anot. i dont expect much from u guys either.


disappointing....................................