Random

blogging this out of the blues. this week's been such a tiring week for me
and frustrating
things juz dont run smoothly, do they?
no matter how i try to make everything perfect,
somehow there must be a twist and
force me to change plans.
and i tell myself to start studying, get a grip of myself
sem2 has really started and dont deny it anymore,
yet i'm still blogging here.
ok i promise to do it after this post.

First, the registration really give me headaches i even dreamt of it yesterday night.what really happened was, i registered for an elective that clashes juz a lil bit with my timetable. but it is settled now as the lecturer has been really nice enough to put me in another group of different time so that i can catch my breath and have some lunch before class. (elective's in Linguistik faculty, that's 15mins walk!) but umisisweb stopped me from registering as it computerize the timetable. so i've been meeting the dept's office everyday, asking them about the situation and all they tell me is "terus cuba daftar. sebab kita sudah hantar surat ke SKR untuk remove timetable dalam umisisweb, tapi mereka belum ada response."

so finally, after so much of worries and fumes about how inefficient the SKR is, i called them today and talked to the person in charge with the registration. that fella told me it was my pharmacy dept now that's not updated with the info they sent. and accused them for not reporting this to SKR early.

WTF?????? pointing fingers at each other when things go wrong, is that what u only know how to do? anyway, i dun care what they say. i juz want some solutions. and he told me to have my subjects registered manually. to avoid being fined, get the office to do for me.

ok. juz hope that's what will happen soon. if i have to pay rm50 for smth that's not my fault, i'll make the office pay for me.

still, i felt recently i've become more matured. lol, i know it sounded horny la but i know myself better k. i stepped on the grounds more firmly nowadays, tackle things myself better, hold my responsibilites which are meant for me. i guess it's because of all the things i've gone through for the previous months, see how others carry themselves and not crumble over petty things. they grow up, i'm growing up, this is what life is about. i want to be a role model for myself and for others too. yes, not trying to be mushy or what, i think it's everybody's dream to be one.

there's still something i need to learn, which is to get used of being away with my loved ones. i'm starting to miss my family dy. the news of me cant go home this weekend really devastate me so much i lost my gutsy way this afternoon. ok i know i have no rights to say this coz some ppl cant even be back home for months and i consider myself lucky, yet this is part of my routine. i spent a week in college, burdened with all the troubles and worries and work, home is juz a way for me to relax and forget everything. i admit, i'm not so in love with my college life, i dont stick much around here, i juz need to get away from here once a week. get away from seeing the faces i see everyday, get away from the college food, get away from the busy life of college and uni, get away from my troubles and stress, and most important thing is, to spent time with my family for as long as i live. sometimes i think over this:

is it worth for me to continue staying here? some ppl grow to lurve this place so much, but i've been here for almost like 3sems. which means 1 year plus. and yet i felt ntg from here. no warm feelings at all. i dun mean to be cold or what, i have very nice roommates and floormates who i laugh, talk, joke, play and sleep with. i have friends around college, and they're all nice to me too. i busy myself with college activities, get to know more ppl, adapt to independent life. in the end, all i felt is not contentment. i fell into depression and emo whenever i'm alone in my room. i felt distance from laughter and merriness. i need to hear voices. ppl speaking to me. when the lights are turned off, lying on my hard bed, there's not a sense of comfort at all. all i think about is the stressful college and uni life. sometimes, i cry myself to sleep and wake up with puffy eyes the next morning. but this is what i did last time, i dun do that much now unless i really feel sucked up that day. that's what i meant by growing to be a more matured person now.

i aint complaining, staying here has given me convenience, sweet memories, happy moments too. juz that the feeling of being lost is always felt whenever i'm here. i dunno, maybe i'll leave next year, maybe i'll stay and continue to find my comfort spot here. i dont hate here, but i dont lurve it either. only empty feelings, that's all.

owh, btw a good fren of mine has juz started dating lolx. really happy for h aer, and we're gonna celebrate it tomorrow. my gang and coursemates are really teasing them alot about dating. i'm trying to prevent myself from doing so. their awkward looks whenever we tease them, i know how it felt like. and i hate to be in that situation too. so i aint placing myself into the group of ppl who talk and laugh about it. i'm not gonna talk much about it either, it's not gonna change anything.

and i got a feeling someone's blocked me from MSN. whatever la. like i care.