DILEMMA

there was this particular dialogue which i really like and most probably has some meaning to me. from Nana the movie. After a long time separated and her passion for her singing career, Nana komatsu confessed tis to Ren when they were in the bathtub together.

"ren, we can't continue to be like tis. maybe sometimes we can meet up, make love, chat like wat we're doing now. but my ego wants me to go on with my career. maybe one day, when i'm tired of singing, when i'm old enough, i'll return to our home with u.."

dun feel like elaborating much. but this dilemma of mine is making me so miserable. ir made me think whether meeting that person today was a correct move anot. maybe yes, at least we're clear of the prob we're facing. maybe not, it made me felt like an idiot. it was definitely not wat i wished for a happy hi-long-time-no-see trip. nobody wished for it in fact.

anyways, dunno whether my misery is obvious on my face or wat, many of my frens and some strangers had the ways to make me feel better. it's funny how things work. normally ppl can juz dun bother bout u and u dun give a damn as well. but when u need someone, there're these tiny lil incidents which'll cheer u up heaps. 1st, after i stepped out of the shopping mall, 2 ppl approached me for charity. 2 different ones. even when i tot i might get conned or smth, i still decided to donate. juz to make me feel better by doing charity, if it's reli for real. (hope so!) one of them, which was a woman, even chatted with me a bit. the other 1, a guy, gave me a cheerful bye. when i boarded the train, i met 3 aunties. one of them were grumbling about the terrible crowd and surely things will get stolen. with my earphone blasting music away, i could hear her still. amused though, i grinned at her cute comment. she saw it, and decided to talk to me. repeated the same thing, den her fren looked at me and said "u all also muz sometimes touch ur pockets and take care of ur bags to check whether ur stuff's still there." lol. funny ppl. again i laughed. my friendliness(whakaka) had me talking back to them. i said "yeah reli very dangerous. juz now i was near the entrance also, but too crowded lar, i moved in here". (and met u guys the funny aunties XD) later when one of them was offered a seat by a malay gal, they started to make fun of her.

1st aunty: "wah, she see me very old tatz y call me to sit."
2nd aunty: "haha u very old meh?"
1st aunty: "eh, 60 smth liao lor me. not old ah?"
she caught me smiling at her. and ask me the same q.
her frens all laughed. i looked at her.
me: "hehe,u still look young o." (mygod, i know how to sweet talk 1 ke??)

they got down at the station before mine. so when she got up, she went "lai, xiao mei, sit. sit."
me: "oh it's ok. i'm getting down right after this." *smiled*
"ohhh.... ok la!"

me: bye bye..!"

in the car, when i saw mom and sis, warmly welcomed me back, sis with her new tomato-styled haircut (she said tat, not me kaka), mom talking bout the new restaurant with great spaghetti they had juz now, i felt so damned good. this is where i belong, no matter live or dead. nobody or nothing has the right to be better than this. when i had my msn on, frens find me to chat. a good chat with my bestie thru msg also made me felt alot like myself again. only left to patch things up now. tatz all.

and a quotation from mayzhee: all good guys are taken. yeah she's true.

wow i actually had the mood to blog today!! edwin, happy now? whakaka. no more dusty dusty blog. help me clean next time k whahaha.